Motherhood: Before and after

 For this two weeks, blogger mommies from Singapore would be sharing about their journey through motherhood, and how it has changed them.  If you have your own motherhood story to share, do link-up at the bottom of the post!  


Today's post is by V, who is mum to 3.5 year old Noey and 1-year old Nomi. She is 8 months into her Stay-At-Home-Mum gig and frequently wonders what she got herself into when she signed up for the job. On her blog, Life is in the Small Things, she blogs about, yes, the small things (make that 2 naughty little small things), but also the big moments that life is about. She also really loves being a mum though it might not always be apparent!

~~~~~~~

When Jus asked how my life has been changed by motherhood, a series of pictures flashed before my eyes.

And these are just the tip of the iceberg!

In my post-motherhood state, I now:

• Wear flats everyday and love them. It's amazing how when the folks you interact with the most throughout a day are under 1m tall, you don't really feel the appeal of appearing taller than your 1.58m anymore.
• Have the ability to eat really fast. This coming from someone whose boyfriend-now-husband felt physical pain from eating so slowly while trying keep pace with her so that he would not finish too quickly, it is quite an accomplishment.
• Can also bathe, change, walk and shop really fast. The shopping is particularly significant, since I am chronically afflicted with indecision. Now I grab and go and try not to think too much about it.
• Am much more of a stickler for punctuality. This is what having to keep multiple schedules and having very limited and precious free time does to you.
• Appreciate sleep. I'll admit that I still think sleeping is a waste of time, but I now now that a short afternoon nap does wonders for the mind and spirit.

Seriously, motherhood has changed me in ways apart from the frivolous. It has shown up my flaws - my tendency to cut corners when I'm tired, how mad I can get when I am pushed to the limit, and how hopeless I am at art and craft. Yet, it has also enabled me to find within myself incredible amounts of strength which I never knew I had. I feel like I'm taking a lifelong course on self-control and sacrifice. I can only pray that I will meet the passing grade in the end!

Becoming a mum has taught me so many things, but the ones which I appreciate the most are that:

1. You never stop being a mother, or a parent, and you never stop loving. I don't think I ever realized how much my parents loved me - and still do - until I became a parent myself. I think as a child, it is easy to take that love and concern which your parents shower on you for granted, especially if it's what you've known all your life. Only after I started reliving the steps that they must have walked with my own children did it occur to me that my parents must have loved me the same way I now love my children. And even as grandparents, they still care for me, as their daughter, and then my children by extension. I have not always had the best relationship with my mother, but I try harder now, because I now have a better understanding of where she's coming from.

2. Every child - and indeed every person - is different. I have two children, both from the same "factory" but so different in personality. Even when they are so young, I know that the methods for teaching and discipline will be different for each of them. This has taught me to be more flexible, to understand that there is more than one right answer to every problem. And sometimes, you just have to do what works! (Within reason, of course.)

3. There is so little you can control in life. I don't think I've ever prayed as hard as I do now, when I hold in my hands two precious little lives. It is humbling to know that while you can do your best to train, guide and nurture your child in ways which you believe are right, you can't control how they turn out. You can only intercede for them, resting on the assurance that God is in control.

It might not look like it, and I certainly don't feel it everyday, but being a mummy is truly the best thing ever. I just have to remember that!

How has motherhood changed you?  Link-up below if you have a story to share:

Weekend Wanderings: Flea marketing

Flea markets sometimes are like boxes of chocolates just past their "best before" date.  They have old, some times gunky stuff.  And like how Forrest Gump's mum put it, you never know what you're going to get!  But if you spend time digging about, you might just find something you like.


We've been to quite a few flea markets in Europe so far, since I can't resist vintage stuff or the possibility of a good deal.  We missed the one at Portobello Road in London, as we took a walk there on a Monday (the flea market runs during the weekend but we were worried about dragging the kids there with all the crowds), however, we did get to visit the one at Place du Jeu de Balle in Brussels.  (This one made it to the Guardian's Top 10 list of flea markets.)  It was HUGE, but we didn't stay long as the weather was really hot and the kids got pretty restless. I did manage to get some vintage postcards (real ones complete with handwriting, stamps and postmarks) from the antiques market nearby.  Those are going to be used for scrapping or maybe book-making, and quite a few have been posted to fellow scrappers:

Can you spot the stamp for the Olympics in 1960?

Then last week, our neighbour told us that there was going to be one being held near the hubby's workplace in Munster.  So I dragged all the boys down.  The hubby was rather reluctant to go, but he changed his mind after he bought a CD.  The boys were ok, since it was more carnival than flea market and there was lots to see!  After digging about we managed to grab a couple of good deals:

  
Everyone got something.  The hubby got a CD, baby got shoes and a cloth book, Junior J had nature books and a memory game, and mama got some postcards (from a craft stall).  And most of these (save for the CD and shoes, which were brand new) cost 2 Euro each or less! 


Seems like flea markets are quite common in Munster, so we'll probably turn up the next time there's one!  What about you?  Do you like bargain hunting at flea markets?  


PS: I hope you've been enjoying the posts from our SG mothers, stay tuned for another week of motherhood stories!

Peas, please!

For this two weeks, blogger mommies from Singapore would be sharing about their journey through motherhood, and how it has changed them.  If you have your own motherhood story to share, do link-up at the bottom of the post! 


Today's post is by Jasmine. She is one crafty mama, and I've been enjoying her cooking adventures! Here's what she has to say:
Hi! I am excited to be here today! My name is Jasmine and I have two little boys who are 3 years and 6 years who make me smile. Do drop by and visit me at my blog at Gift Wrapsody.

~~~~~~~

When I was pregnant, I used to wonder whether I would be able to truly love my kids. I mean, the standards for mums are high. Mothers are supposed to be super-sacrificial. They will go to great lengths for their kids.
I mean, my mum tells us that her favourite part of the chicken is the back. I used to believe her but come on, who really likes eating the chicken back. I mean, you either choose the chicken breast or the thigh. No one really likes the back of the chicken.  

Well, I couldn’t quite imagine whether I would be able to love them as I ought to but I assumed the love would eventually come, hopefully...

So has Motherhood magically changed me? Not immediately but here’s the point when it all began.

My older son, Jaeden was 6 months old when he started on solids.

The books say that if your baby has been introduced to diverse tastes, he will not reject them when he is older. Oh, how I believed them!
I fed him every vegetable I could find.
I even fed him peas.

I don’t like peas. I have never liked peas.
They are smushy and powdery.
My apologies if you are a pea-lover but I was just never one.

But then I became a mum.

I wanted the best for my child.
I wanted him to grow as fast as he could.
I wanted him to have high levels of protein.

So I vowed to feed him peas.

I found a recipe called cheesy peasy rice which I thought sounded edible.

You see, the books also tell you that you should eat the food that your kids eat. Just to encourage them to try it.

So hmm, I had to try the peas too.
At first, I ate just a couple.
They weren’t great but I could tolerate them (and pretend to like them).

But over time, I surprised myself because I actually grew to like the peas.
Maybe it was just a good recipe but the fact is, I was eating peas!

I was eating peas so my son would like them.

He was mine and I loved him.
Enough to eat peas.

And that was it.

That was the defining moment where I knew motherhood was slowly changing me because I knew that deep down, I was willing to do my best for my son. And strangely, it was also changing me for the better.

Oh and today, does my son eat peas?

Let’s just say, we’re still working on that.

How has motherhood changed you?  Link-up below if you have a story to share!

10 things I discovered about myself after motherhood

For this two weeks, blogger mommies from Singapore would be sharing about their journey through motherhood, and how it has changed them.  If you have your own motherhood story to share, do link-up at the bottom of the post!  

Today's post is by Winnie.  She is a full time working mom, and has a daughter and son, aged two years and four months respectively.  She home teaches and is a firm believer of play and the great outdoors.  She shares her parenting and home teaching adventures at "Toddly Mummy".  I especially love the crafts that she has been doing with her kids!

~~~~~~~

I have always loved kids and in my younger days, I had even wanted to be a mother by the age of 25. But as fate would have it, that did not happen till ten years later. Would I have been prepared for the trials and tribulations of being a mother at 25? I do not know. But I do know that motherhood has changed me in ways I could only imagine, changes that both delight me and have me wishing for the good old days of singlehood. There are just so many things that I have discovered about myself that still surprises me to this day. Here is my top ten list:

1. My time is no longer my time, and me-time, even ten minutes in the bathroom, is a privilege. All of my time now belongs to the kids, husband, parents, parents-in-law and everyone else.

2. I have always taken pride in my high tolerance level. Nothing could rock my calm demeanor, until the kids came. Being able to keep calm and tolerate an endlessly screaming child takes nerves of steel. I am glad my nerves have become stronger than steel.

3. Motherhood has given me the transformation skills of a chameleon. I can be grumpy one minute, but break into a megawatt smile the moment I see my kids. I simply cannot resist toothy, and toothless, grins.

4. Yes, I am truly better skilled than a chameleon. My moods change even faster than it can change colour. One second I'm mad with my kids and the next, I'm calm as a dove, speaking to them in a soothing tone, so they will calm down.

5. I may be lying in bed desperately wishing for a wink. The moment my kids call for me, I am off the bed in an instant, miraculously filled with endless energy.

6. Motherhood has brought out the inner child in me. I pretend play by climbing a balloon tree, or transform into a butterfly by wrapping a towel around me. My imagination is being stretched beyond imagination.

7. I love books. Suspense, thriller, mystery, adventure books are what I like, but give me any book, and I will devour it. These days, I'm only devouring children's books, dramatising the stories within on the stage that is the bedroom.

8. I never had a thing for art and crafts. My best drawing: stick men. My kids brought out the hidden artist in me. To them, mummy's art and crafts are always the best. Always creative. Even if it is just made out of recycled toilet paper roll and egg cartons.

9. I have been stretched, my boobs have been mutilated, and still are being mutilated. Yet, I don't mind. I really don't. I enjoy it. It is my special bond that I share with my kids, something that is just between us, something that no one else has. I never knew this could be such a extraordinary feeling.

10. I knew a mother is devoted to her kids, but till I became one, I never realised just how devoted I could be. My world more than revolves around them.

So there. The ten discoveries I made of myself after being a mother. Would I have it any other way? No. Definitely not. I'm a mother. I may roar, but I'm full of love. Unconditional love.

How has motherhood changed you?  Link-up below if you have a story to share!

Being a Mother

For this two weeks, blogger mommies from Singapore would be sharing about their journey through motherhood, and how it has changed them.  


Today, let's welcome Wendy, who is a stay home mum of a 2.5 years old boy.  She describes herself as "a very simple & relaxed mum, who loves to share with the world by writing".  She blogs at "Ling Family", which is a blog about parenting and their simple lifestyle.

~~~~~~~

Being a mother has really changed me so much and in many ways.  After being a mother, it has made me realize what unconditional love is, a love so great that you are willing to sacrifice anything, or do anything for my little loved one.

It makes me realize how important I can be in my child's life... I've given up a few offers and opportunities to work, but i will never regret a single bit of it, because Benson is my everything and I want to be there for him.  I used to spend lots of money on good stuff for myself before I had Benson.  But after being a mother, its all about him and I'm proud of it.

After being a mother, I will jump up and down happily when my son learned his first crawl, when he first stood on his 2 little feet, when he called out his first words, when he took his first solid food, when he learn to walk... and every single time, I'm so proud of Benson.

After being a mother, my temper has been better.  It makes me realize not to pull my hair out over small matters, and I'm a more forgiving person now.  To me this is quite a big change.  Friends who know me for years will know that I'm a very hot tempered and very impulsive person.  But that part of me melted away after being a mother.

Of course there are times when my dear son would make me super angry and depressed.  That's when the teaching comes.  I believe in building a solid foundation into my son's childhood... Discipline doesn't mean that we are bad parents, but helps our child to get back on the right track when they are wrong.  I admit that I almost fell into depression after Benson was born, but with a supportive husband and family members, I'm glad that I got through it with all of the help available to me.  I'm blessed with helpful people around me, including friends. Motherhood comes with a roller coaster ride, it's just how we take this ride, and the outcome we want to have.

After being a mother, I'm happier person now.  Small little things that Benson does will make me smile almost the whole day.  He is my happy pill, and the strength for me to go on, and the reason to hold on when life is on the down side.  He kept me positive in many ways.  He never fails to give me the warmest hug when I'm upset.

After being a mother, I realize I should have loved my parents more, and I appreciate them more.  I've opened up more now, and will tell or sms them to tell them I miss and love them very much.

Well... Motherhood has changed me into a " Better Me " in many ways, and I'm glad that I have a supportive husband and my lovely only son Benson.  They mean the world to me, and without them my life would mean nothing.

I thank God for them every single day...

How has motherhood changed you?  Link-up below if you have a story to share!

Fears about Motherhood: Fact or Fiction?

For this two weeks, blogger mommies from Singapore would be sharing about their journey through motherhood, and how it has changed them.  


Today, let's say "hello!" to Evelyn, who's a mum to two.  I got to know her through blogging, and I really love how she embraces play and fun with her children!  She blogs at "The Bottomsup Blog", and is trying to challenge herself to blog everyday.  I've been enjoying her thoughtful posts  and various monthly themes, like the series of posts on photography in June.

~~~~~~~

When I was pregnant with my second child last year, one of the books on my reading list was Lionel Shriver's "We Need To Talk About Kevin." Frankly I wouldn't recommend this as a read for anyone who's growing a baby in her belly, mostly because it was inspired by the Columbine high school massacre and has a similar storyline! But the book was not without its light-hearted moments, one of which featured a mom cataloguing the things she dreaded about becoming a parent. It was a list of 10, but these are the fears that I think would've resonated most with me before the kids came along:

# Hassle

# Turning into a cow.

# Less time just the two of us. (Try no time just the two of us.)

# Worthless social life. (I had never had a decent conversation with a friend's five-year-old in the room.)

# Social demotion. (Once I had a toddler in tow, every man I knew—every woman, too, which is depressing—would take me less seriously.)

Now that I've clocked six years of motherhood experience with two kids (aged six and 10 months) in tow, I thought it'd be interesting to revisit these fears and respond to them, so here goes:

Hassle: Sadly, this is true. From the second your baby leaves your body, the spotlight shifts in the story of your life and you're relegated to supporting player. Some days you're not even credited. The plot, thankfully, is predictable. There's going out hassle, where I have to verbally dress a six-year-old who's already learned that I can be ignored, while packing something equivalent to a mini-vacation bag so my 10-month-old doesn't starve or suffer in a soiled diaper while we're out. For my efforts, I get to be the one who needs freshening up by the time we're ready to leave. There's mealtime hassle, where I conduct food negotiations over the dinner table ("I'm full!" "Five more spoonfuls, or no more bubble tea!"). These days you might also catch me dangling a biscuit over my baby's mouth as bait, so he'll open up for the butternut squash I'm trying to feed him. This trick gets old really fast, and I'm pretty sure the Baby Whisperer (if she were still alive) would smack me for the blatant lack of respect. And there's sleep hassle, where I'm no longer allowed to pick my bedtimes and wake-times, and instead have to settle for whatever I can get. 

I've had a few years to become accustomed to living inconveniently. I've learned to eat standing up with a baby strapped to me. I've fallen asleep sitting up with a baby strapped to me. I've vacuumed, washed the dishes, and cleaned up doggie messes with a baby strapped to me. I've stood for hours at parties with a baby strapped to me. I've loaded up on groceries with both hands, with a baby strapped to me, and hopped on a bus home. Occasionally I'll think I should win an award for this, and I'll just as quickly realise that no-one cares. But just as you pick your battles, I think you can pick your hassles. I breastfed both my kids, but not for for the recommended six months. I buy take-out more often than I cook, and my baby eats out of bottles, mostly. I have housekeeping help. I do whatever it takes to like my life, and most of the time, it works.

Turning into a cow: No-one's called me a "cow" to my face (yet), but seven months after I had my daughter, someone said to me: "You used to be punk rock, but now you're more Mothercare." Catchy, but ouch. Thing is, punk rockers are skinny. I wasn't, in places, and it was easy to let it all hang loose in maternity jeans long after I no longer qualified to shop in the maternity section. I didn't realise the world was paying attention! With Kid #2, I got smarter. I bought a Belly Bandit (as endorsed by Jessica Alba!) and slapped it on every chance I had. It didn't banish the mum tum like the ads promised, but at least I could pretend for a few hours that it didn't exist—and fake normalcy by fitting into my regular clothes. God forbid anyone should ever glance at me and think "Mothercare" again.

Less (or no) couple time: Well there's less time for everything, so while this is true, it doesn't hit me too hard, to be honest. I've become one of those people who would pick a good book and a hot shower long enough for me to sing and daydream in, over a date. If anything, it's me-time that I value most now as a mom. That's my time to do my own thing, whatever it may be, when the kids are asleep. Or the rare nights out where I get to ditch Mommy Mode for a few hours and recharge with good food (and junk food), multiple rounds of coffee, and my all-time favourite activity: The good ol' walk 'n' talk. 

Worthless social life: This is pure fiction—my social life has gone up a couple of notches since I've become a mom! (Or maybe it's just my social skills.) I've linked up with moms at the playground, at schools, and through blogging, and I've had many decent conversations despite kids being in the same room. The secret is in picking playdates that your kid actually likes, so you'll be free to sip coffee and trade stories instead of breaking up fights and fending off bullies. And with more moms trying to work or run a business from home, playdates can be as useful as networking meetings for throwing up jobs and useful work connections; it's already happening for me. 

Social demotion: I can't decide if I'm a work-at-home mom or a stay-home mom. Does anyone even care about the distinction? I chose to take a year off work for Kid #2, who arrived last September, but before that I used some of my time at home to earn a post-graduate diploma, start a business, and take on enough freelance assignments to not require an allowance from my husband. I've been home for six years and I've heard it all, from "You're just a housewife?" and "Still bumming around?" to "Don't let your brain rot!" and "Dear, I (and the rest of the world) have to work you know?" During arguments, my own husband has suggested that I "do nothing" and "have too much time" on my hands. It hurts, but only because a part of me believes there is some truth to all of these claims. I am not the scarily efficient woman from that op-ed in The Atlantic that they're all talking about, who has to save time by punching 1:11, 2:22, and 3:33 on her microwave oven. I am the woman who has enough time to read Facebook updates, which makes me feel guilty. There are days where I am completely happy and at peace with my place in the world, and days where I wish I could be more powerful and influential, and that I had something more important on my hands to worry about than "What shall we play today?" I don't mind it; it keeps me on my toes and keeps me looking out for anything that could add more meaning and value to my life. Because at the very least, I want to be able to take me seriously, even if no-one else does.

How has motherhood changed you?  Link-up below if you have a story to share!

Grateful Gatherings: The motherhood journey

The hubby has been feeling rather restless and bored at work over here.  So when an opportunity came for him to do a month-long stint of cutting edge research over at a hospital in Denmark, he was naturally excited.  When he told me about it, I admit I wasn't.  Well, if this had happened a couple of years back when we weren't parents, I would have jumped at the chance to experience Denmark... Exciting right?  Move to a new place, hang around, experience a new culture.

However, all that was running through my head were questions.  Would we be able to rent a place with a kitchen so that I could cook for the kids?  If it was furnished, would that mean baby J would be getting into a lot of trouble crawling everywhere?  A month was rather long... what would we bring along?  What about the kids, the playdates, the disruptions to schedules?  Would Junior J get constipated again because of all the changes?  I'd have to drag books along... bring toys.  How would we fit everything in the car?

I know, I know.  I'm paranoid and inflexible.  But after all that crazy packing and preparation when we moved over to Germany, and all that adjustments we had to make, I was not looking forward to having to pack and make arrangements to move again for a month, especially now that life has settled down a little.  Whatever the case, I guess we'll just have to figure things out, since it looks like it'll probably happen.

Which brings me to the point... once you become a mother, priorities change.  What was once an adventure becomes a huge daunting task, because you have to factor in a hundred other things when you have kids in tow.  Ever since the kids came along, I've become more resistant to changes ("the boy needs to nap!", "if we have guests the boy might get constipated" etc), because changes mean disrupted schedules, and that means missed naps and cranky kids.  I've had less (or no time) for hobbies.  Running 5 km runs are a thing of the past, now I do short sprints to catch up with a 3 year old on his bike, or to grab a baby who is trying to chew on the radiator (and that baby started cruising this weekend, so more short sprints for me I guess!).  After two kids, the mummy tummy is here to stay.  Life has changed in more than these 50 ways.

But I am thankful for some of these changes.  Motherhood has forced me to look at myself more critically, because I have to be a role model for my kids (how can I type on my laptop during breakfast, when I just told Junior J not to play during meals?).  It has torn down any illusions that I have it all together, and can do it all on my own strength (for this, you just need two kids crying at the same time while you scramble to try to cook lunch).  It has made my heart grow bigger, to fit that feeling that wells up in your heart when you see your kids together:

And I have learnt that we don't need to spend loads of money to be happy:

Junior J fascinated with his Iguanadon thumbs
which we made one morning out of some paper and tape.

Being a mom has forced me to slow down, to stop and kiss those little toes... because they will not be tiny very soon.

Motherhood has chased me into the kitchen, and turned me into a cook, when all I could cook previously was instant noodles.

It has made eating ice-cream alot more fun (and each bite more precious), since now I have someone stealing bites from my dessert:

We made blueberry ice-cream the other day!

And it has forced me to be more organized (or I'll never find anything in the diaper bag, which is packed to the brim!).

Above all, having children has helped me to understand what it means to be a child of God, to lean on Him and trust Him more.  (On days when the kids are really sick and are puking and you are washing sheets, you know all you can do is pray for strength!)

So I am thankful for this roller-coaster ride that is the journey of motherhood.  And for the next two weeks (plus another two weeks in September), I'll be featuring other mothers and their stories of how motherhood has changed them.  Do link up tomorrow too if you have a story to share!

What are you thankful for this week?


<center><a href="http://makingmum.blogspot.com/search/label/Thankful%20Tuesdays"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ5TFIcFuNJ5fKnlD-Tueh7MbfoDLmkSiccVSG2aiAiPYVekzcr_NCpGbYT5JnktxjM3CNMDiG4PVEmp73HoRmyUEHOLWgVH4cZSe1KPPqHqPAJek4y__ytX8EKZASnKRFlM1ZcE6idaFk/s260/Rainbow.jpg"/></a></center>